today, some multiple choice:

a little role play. you be the candidate. i will be the consultant.

you are proofreading one of my fabulous direct mail pieces.

you suggest we make the picture smaller, add more text, change the font and color scheme.

my anwer will be:

a) no.
b) fuck no.
c) PHUCK NO.
d) dial tone.

the answer is HERE!

i just googled myself looking for an article i was quoted in during the last presidential race.

and a link came up for an article about a cemetary where hessian deserters from the war of rebellion* are interned.

and MY name is on the list. not just my last name. my WHOLE NAME.

this is new. the last several months have revealed some interesting things about my ancestors.

apparently i am part chocktaw native american, and not solely cherokee. the chocktaw are noted mainly for bailing on the 5 civilized tribes during jackson's attempt to move them all to oklahoma (from the carolinas/georgia area). after the 5 tribes agreed to fight the US Govt, the chocktaw packed up and left - to get the good land.**

my most direct forebear was a drunken cossack that refused to vouch for his wife and kids when they arrived at castle garden, the precursor to ellis island. his memory was jogged with the help of a pistol jammed in his ribs by another relative, a jewish wardheeler for tammany hall and spanish-american war veteran.

and now the spurious allegation that i descend also from not just a deserter, but a deserter mercenary. jesus.

no wonder the only place i can get a job is in politics. as dr. johnson called it, "the last refuge of scoundrels."

*also known as the revolutionary war. i just don't find replacing a bunch of rich white guys overseas with a bunch of rich white guys at home as that revolutionary.

**when the state of georgia tried to disposses the cherokee of their land, the tribe - along with the other "5 civilized tribes" of the carolinas-georgia region, went to court to keep their property. the case eventually reached the supreme court, where the justices validated their moniker by ruling in favor of the tribes.

andrew jackson, the president and former "indian fighter," then made the famous statement and instigated the great constitutional crisis: "the court has made their decision. now let them enforce it."

jackson then force marched the 5 tribes from the east coast to oklahoma in the middle of the winter, killing about a third of them along the way.

this is why i hate 20 dollar bills and will go far out of my way to get 10s.

"I don't think they existed."

neither do i. funny how the prez was so adamant that you DID think it, tho. but that was september.

(via cursor.org)

R.I.P. Captain Kangaroo.

(via blab-o-rama)

here's why the blog thing would be a bad idea:

while speaking to a political director of a statewide group, i threatened to politically "kick their candidate into a corner and kill them like a cockroach."

it always sounds better while i'm saying it then when i'm paying for it.

i think i just got invited to participate in a reight/left political blog for the sacramento bee.

i wonder if this is a good idea.

wow. this is good.

Today, i received my favorite editing comment from a client for a mail piece this cycle.

one of my candidates is endorsed by the Democratic party. this is a big deal in a democratic primary.

so i designed i jumbo postcard for her, and on the front i had my graphic artist design a huge button - like a campaign button - and put a photograph of a donkey on it, then "California Democratic Party" around the edges. trust me, this looked great.

then underneath it, it said "WHo does the Democratic Party endorse for [office]?"

she hated it. so i put a photograph of the California state flag on the front.

the comment i got back?

"get a better flag."

she is soooo fired.

i love the way stock photography is an indicator of society.

i'm trying to find an image for the cover of a mailpiece about a neighborhood watch program.

so i go to gettyimages, a stock photography website, and search on "police helping" and "police community" and "neighborhood watch," hoping for some images of cops talking to residents.

it pulled up images that not only included cops in the u.s., but mounties and english bobbies as well.

all the mounties were pics in front of landmarks. they were all smiling.

all the pics of bobbies were of them giving directions, laughing with people, and talking or posing in front of landmarks. smiling.

all the u.s. cop pictures were of groups of police with guns or arresting people. not a single photo of a cop talking or interacting with a person except to arrest or cite them. and grimacing.

oh - and all the cops were white. i'll let you guess what ethnicity the perps were.

"i don't give a fuck about your war... or your president."

snake pliskin

i am officially declaring ironic mesh baseball caps DEAD.

silverlake; you listening?